filmgeekwatching

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Phases…

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace Im going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

Well David Bowie would totally understand what I am feeling about

I am itching to write about how I became such a cinephile,and I thought of that phase I have as a teenager. The anime phase that perhaps shaped me as this person.

What is a phase? Perhaps it is at that period of time where you got obsessed over these things and so. Perhaps there is a period of time where you are crazy about something and you are motivated to do that. As you grow older,you may not like it as passionately as before.

Like any usual teenager who searched for that identity ,you are looking for a place to belong. For me,I recall when I was 14-15 and recently transferred from a class that is not so kind to me. I saw one of my classmates who drew manga during my home economics class. That is where I got motivated to draw manga,and there I have the obsession of watching anime. I read random curiosity  religiously! I even asked my parents (who are pretty supportive) to get some merchandise of Fullmetal Alchemist (which I still owned til this day). I even tried cosplay (I only did it once and it was fun). Perhaps I though there is somewhere I belong

I think I started to slowly growing out of my anime obsession when I actually enter film school. I do leave cosplay for personal reasons. I got into a fight with a person I know in my film school,that I became jaded at anime figures who display hope and joy. I started to listen to 60’s-70’s Rock music. I discover the joys of film and sometimes it feels more fulfilling than seeing the animation on screen. Watching all types of films (including all animation) and diverging myself into reading all types of literature seems to intrigue  me more. I mean I get to somehow travel the worlds that are not simply one-dimensional.

I somehow look at myself in that phase,what am I in this phase ? I see that I was pretty lost and just desperate. I thought by looking at these two-dimensional figures with goggly eyes. I just want to masquerade myself in outlandish costumes to hide all my feelings.I do see anime as an art form. I do sometimes catch up with certain animes which I loved. However the joy of that it was over. It is not that I look at people being joyful at their obsession with anime with disdain,but I kinda look at it with bittersweet manner. I see that I grew out of it,it does not stick it out with me.

However if I look it with some form of gratitude,me scribbling reviews on my thoughts of what I watched in my anime episodes leads to me loving to research and write about film. I am glad that I do not get arrested for outrage of modesty as I read that hooha that an auntie arrested a cosplayer during AFA 13. I am glad that I appreciated animation and not to be too snobbish.

Sometimes you cannot turn back to the past but instead you move to the present.

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